Speaking with People

Tips to when speaking to people.

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• Be clear in thought and voice

• Smile when appropriate, it goes a long way.

• Be strong in tone when you need to be

• Apply enthusiasm when appropriate

• When the person is talking, try this out – don’t say “Uh huh” every few seconds. Just look and listen. Every time you say “Uh huh”, you aren’t listening. You are hearing yourself say "uh huh." Try it. Everyone thinks we need to keep affirming we are listening when someone is speaking to us, simple eye contact will affirm that. If you feel the need nod your head every so often. If you are on the phone, listening is even more important. This is a huge and liberating listening skill that does just that, allows you to hear what your companion is saying.

• When talking, no “ums,” “you knows,” “like,” or use of the word “stuff” (the latest word to enter everyday conversations, used when we are too lazy to search in our mind for the proper and more descriptive word) and use good grammar (for example “me and my mom” should be “Mom and I” - put yourself last). You don’t need to be a grammar expert, but at least be up on the basics.

• Match the volume and pace with the person you are speaking to – an important way to have a comfortable conversation. Have passion in your voice when necessary.

• Think about the benefits of a calm, smooth, deliberate general speaking style vs. loud and fast

• When talking with someone look them in the eye. Don’t be looking around for an “escape” or to find a friend. If you need to escape, you’ll have the chance. Make a new friend first or show some class with someone you know by having a nice conversation, however short.

• When talking with someone, finish up the conversation before transitioning over to a new conversation with someone else who may approach you in the midst of your conversation. (Gesture to the person who approached you to sit tight and finish your conversation before starting up with the other person.)

• Telling a bad joke or delivering a good joke poorly is worse than not telling one

• Minimize talking about yourself – get the other person to talk about himself

• Self deprecation to some degree is powerful, particularly when combined with confidence, or presenting your strong suits. Even if you are tops in whatever you are talking about, present some of your failings. It feels good and your listener will give you credit. No one likes to listen to a braggart.

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-RR