Dealing with Difficult Conversations
- Richard Robb
- Jan 6, 2021
- 2 min read
How to handle conservations that are often hard to talk about
People often avoid difficult conversations but it is these conversations that are crucial for making amends and problem solving. Although challenging, dealing with difficult conversations is an extremely useful tool to have under your belt to guide you when working with others throughout your life.
The bulleted guide below was created by Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel. I find this list to be the perfect way to grasp this concept of difficult conversations and how to put it into practice.
Ideas for Difficult Conversations by Esther Perel
Make an appointment and set a time limit: “Can we take a fifteen minute walk tonight to talk?”
Changing the environment by taking a walk or having coffee together can help shake up the conversational rut.
Preface the conversation by acknowledging that you know that it might not be pleasant and that you appreciate that they are willing to engage.
If the other person indicates that they feel overwhelmed, or if they start to shut down, there is no need to say “but I didn't do anything.”
Just say: “tell me more”
Mention a productive conversation you had together recently
Keep it to one issue at a time
Try listening to them from a place of curiosity and inquisitiveness
Know that one of the most powerful ways for people not to feel deeply alone is for them to feel listened to
And listening doesn't mean agreeing. Remind yourself and them of this.
Likewise, acknowledging another person’s experience doesn’t invalidate your own.
Don't compete by upstaging their grievances with your own. Ask them to do the same for you.
Remember that you're not responsible for making their negative feelings go away in this situation.
And they’re not responsible for making your negative feelings go away.
Remind each other that you're not going to solve all of your issues in one conversation, but every conversation is an important step.
You can always ask, “is there something I can do to make the conversation more productive?”
If the conversations feel impossible, try writing to each other. It can make all the difference.
-RR
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